To Separate or Not to Separate

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I went to boarding school at 13. My parents preferred it that way to shield us from the aftermath of a custody battle.

This is my theory as I navigate the 40s.

We started our married lives based on an intimacy with our boyfriend who became the husband OR We were holistically paired up as the best combination by our learned ones; in both situations the objective was to become intimate, procreate the human species and hopefully find solace in each other’s company.

We were intimate as we gave them the power to make us feel secure , loved and happy. But intimacy is cliched as it also makes us feel insecure , unhappy and unwanted when our partners criticize , deny or hurt us.  Some hurt is irrevocable ; infidelity can be forgiven if sobriety is the path forward; but when a partner is narcissistic it’s like being hurt on steroids; you need to do a reality check for yourself.

Most women don’t understand intimacy and it’s duality possibly because we are innately emotional beings. But when you do understand that it is you who has given that power to a man to a relationship you need to realize if you want to take it back ; tone it down or like a stereotypical 70s mom let “ time take its course”. But remember time is unforgiving. Relationships are variables never absolutes. You forget that it’s one life for you too. No one can tell you what’s right for you , possibly not even yourself . You have to hope that you approach each decision In your life with an elevated maturity, learn from the lessons and make better decisions that you can live with. Your children will cope like you. Their insecurity will stem from their parents unhappiness. Two individually happy parents are better than two unhappy parents together, ask any child any age and they will give this  clear judgement.

I feel a life lived with dignity and elegance brings a composure , a restraint to one’s soul, it lets us be grateful for our choices and allows us to be hopeful we are making a difference in our lives. Be intimate with ur dog or pet. That’s the only formula of unconditional acceptance life long. Have an absolute relationship with God. He only listens, never judges or talks back. Life is a variable cornucopia of experiences and emotions. Love some, Dislike some, but keep living RESPONSIBLY.

By
Sarmistha  Parida

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